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Literature Text
Falling Forward
bathophobia
Do you fall?
Do you have awful dreams, dreams that cover you, make you feel like you're going to choke, with the air whipping around your face as all heaven and hell switch places, and then return?
Do you fall?
I fall, not only that, I fear it.
I fear falling so much that it hurts to think about. I know what's at the end, and yet...
And yet I know that I don't know, something in me screams as I plummet towards the rocks, the seas, the ocean, I'm not sure that when I reach the ground I'll really bounce or not.
Do you?
And the awful part is that it's really just a dream. Just a dream where nothing's real, yet I still wake up screaming as I tumble past clouds, as the sky changes from dark to pink to blue. It's so funny, silly really, but still, I'm scared.
I
fear
falling.
So I ask again--
Do you fall?
Am I the only one that can't fly, that can't stop anything that happens as I grab at bird's wings or fall even faster as I flap my arms? Is that normal? Do you even know what I'm talking about?
No. I can see it, you don't.
You don't, can't, understand this phobia, this terror I have of falling. You don't understand why it's so awful.
Maybe if I explain a little more, if I could just get the picture in your head...
I don't just fall in one place, at one time, in one way. It's all over, the crushing panic I have as no air reaches my lungs, as I turn and see city lights, shining through the darkness, or the soft grass racing towards me in a way most unlike anything I've ever seen. Or that sometimes I can't move while I'm in the air, so that I can only stare at the stars and moon and sun as I know I get nearer to the hard, sad earth, but can do nothing, not even look?
Have I mentioned I fall underwater?
I do, where I 'wake up' and find myself unable to breathe, water all around, slowly becoming darker and darker, air bubbles running away from me, and I become unable to move...
Do you fall?
Tell me, can you recall that happy feeling of a little kid when ever you see a falling star, and try to make a wish, but can never decide on one before it's too late? Or if you can, you feel so excited, like you'll burst, until you finally forget?
I never have, because it's always been me, soaring from the sky, not the star.
You want to understand, that I can see as well, want to learn more, but I don't think I can tell you. Not any more, there's hardly anything to say. How can I make you feel how I feel when I tell you I can hardly think, as I look into the sun and calculate what I've done... Can you see what I see, the clouds watching me fall, as they slowly become smaller, can you see the colors of their faces? Or can you smell the air, how sometimes it's sharp and cold, burning me, and still other times that it's so wet that it's like it's raining.
You can't, can you? Or rather, don't. Can't see, don't fall.
So... I guess I need to change my question, just a little bit.
Will you fall with me?
bathophobia
Do you fall?
Do you have awful dreams, dreams that cover you, make you feel like you're going to choke, with the air whipping around your face as all heaven and hell switch places, and then return?
Do you fall?
I fall, not only that, I fear it.
I fear falling so much that it hurts to think about. I know what's at the end, and yet...
And yet I know that I don't know, something in me screams as I plummet towards the rocks, the seas, the ocean, I'm not sure that when I reach the ground I'll really bounce or not.
Do you?
And the awful part is that it's really just a dream. Just a dream where nothing's real, yet I still wake up screaming as I tumble past clouds, as the sky changes from dark to pink to blue. It's so funny, silly really, but still, I'm scared.
I
fear
falling.
So I ask again--
Do you fall?
Am I the only one that can't fly, that can't stop anything that happens as I grab at bird's wings or fall even faster as I flap my arms? Is that normal? Do you even know what I'm talking about?
No. I can see it, you don't.
You don't, can't, understand this phobia, this terror I have of falling. You don't understand why it's so awful.
Maybe if I explain a little more, if I could just get the picture in your head...
I don't just fall in one place, at one time, in one way. It's all over, the crushing panic I have as no air reaches my lungs, as I turn and see city lights, shining through the darkness, or the soft grass racing towards me in a way most unlike anything I've ever seen. Or that sometimes I can't move while I'm in the air, so that I can only stare at the stars and moon and sun as I know I get nearer to the hard, sad earth, but can do nothing, not even look?
Have I mentioned I fall underwater?
I do, where I 'wake up' and find myself unable to breathe, water all around, slowly becoming darker and darker, air bubbles running away from me, and I become unable to move...
Do you fall?
Tell me, can you recall that happy feeling of a little kid when ever you see a falling star, and try to make a wish, but can never decide on one before it's too late? Or if you can, you feel so excited, like you'll burst, until you finally forget?
I never have, because it's always been me, soaring from the sky, not the star.
You want to understand, that I can see as well, want to learn more, but I don't think I can tell you. Not any more, there's hardly anything to say. How can I make you feel how I feel when I tell you I can hardly think, as I look into the sun and calculate what I've done... Can you see what I see, the clouds watching me fall, as they slowly become smaller, can you see the colors of their faces? Or can you smell the air, how sometimes it's sharp and cold, burning me, and still other times that it's so wet that it's like it's raining.
You can't, can you? Or rather, don't. Can't see, don't fall.
So... I guess I need to change my question, just a little bit.
Will you fall with me?
This was inspired by the many pictures of people falling that haunt this site. Thanks to everyone who drew, photographed, or digitally created them. They obviously struck a chord in me.
But, I dedicate this, and all other pieces like this to both Opera-Spectress (who gave it the once over and the little lovely comments that make my world go round. Really hun, you're a dear [or are you really the hun? o.O].) and Giovanni-Macellatore. I thought of them both as I wrote this, so there you go.
But, I dedicate this, and all other pieces like this to both Opera-Spectress (who gave it the once over and the little lovely comments that make my world go round. Really hun, you're a dear [or are you really the hun? o.O].) and Giovanni-Macellatore. I thought of them both as I wrote this, so there you go.
© 2010 - 2024 demonmiko82
Comments7
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Aww, thank you! I've never had someone write something even partially dedicated to me....